Sacred Relationships
February 08, 2023
Dear Mrs. Allyson Grey,

Your relationship with your husband is ideal to me. Love, friendship, and community with one another. I desire that in my life and I'm asking if you know any available men who fit that criteria? 

I would love for you to be my matchmaker, as you have very discerning taste.
If you don't have the desire to take this on, I fully respect that.

With much respect,

Ask Allyson Image
Dear Michelle,

Thanks for writing. Your request is definitely a first. The Jewish word for a matchmaker is a “yenta.” I do not see myself in that role, intuiting that only YOU know yourself well enough to determine your perfect mate.
Really touched, though, that you might for consider entrusting me with such an important search.

One thing I have seen quite a bit through my 20+ years guiding CoSM, is that love springs forth in this environment. Many marriages have been made among CoSM staff and CoSM members. Why is this? Because finding a partner, which becomes more difficult after leaving the matriculation pool of high school and college, is often most successful inside a person’s spiritual life. Shared values appear to be more a factor than shared career paths or even shared interests, especially with maturing, self-actualizing people. We all like a degree of independence. We may be open to a loved one from a different cultural background. A partner with differing passions can provide new interests and an alternate circle of friends. Values and disposition, the way a person behaves and how they feel about themself and express themself, is recognizable among friends in a judgement-tolerant zone.

 If you lived within an hour or 90 minutes from CoSM (Hudson Valley of New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, even Massachusetts) I’d strongly recommend attending all the CoSM events possible. Marriages just keep on coming over here.

If you live far from CoSM and feel committed to your region, I still recommend being a CoSM member and joining us for online events and the CoSM Community Mighty Network where members comfortably share their intentions and get to know other members from, literally, all over the world. Actually meeting a significant friend, in my experience, is not at all crazy to imagine in this way.

I’ll go even farther and say that joining a community singles meet-up at a spiritual center of your choosing and in your location would also be a good place to start. My brother-in-law found his life-partner at his local Unitarian Church singles meet-up and they’ve stayed together for over 40 years.

There are also match sight online for all sorts of spiritual leanings. I think these sites are a contemporary boon and know many happy and discerning couples who have met online. Alex and I have officiated quite of few weddings that began with an online meet-up.

Again, delighted to have received your heartful outreach. 

In loving service,

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