Depression and anxiety are a terrible scourge in a life.
When we know what we could do to have the life we love, what are we willing to do to achieve that? It's a priority, my friend.
Someone dear to my heart went to Central America when she was very young to study with shaman and be healed from a childhood infirmity by participating in Ayahuasca ceremony. For 30 years ago she has lives in aya community practicing regularly with no harm coming to her. There are no American studies on the effects of ayahuasca which is used in conscious community ceremonies all over the world.
We cannot recommend aya groups in places where aya is illegal. Aya is done in community. To find others, seek out groups of intelligent, sensitive like-minded people of higher consciousness. Maybe an esoteric book store or a drumming group. Also check out the book Transforming Depression: Healing-Through-Creativity by David Rosen. Alex and I have dealt with mood swings for a lifetime and found this book to offer some good thoughts on the subject. http://www.amazon.com/Transforming-Depression-Healing-Through-Creativity/dp/0892540613
Alex sends warm regards. Thank you for sharing with us your deep thoughts and emotions.